How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers
by DemonessOfPunishment
Summary: After reciving many call sthe guys decided to get back at the telemarketers. MWAHAHAHAHA! CHAPTER THREE IS UP!!! ^______^
1. The Trouble Begins

**Title:** How to get Rid of Telemarketers   
**Rating:** PG-13   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gundam Wing   
**Note:** Me and my friends came up with this, and I decided to share.

* * *

One day, the Gundam pilots were all sitting around when the telephone rang. At first, they opted to ignore it, since it had been ringing all day long. After the fifth time it rang, Duo finally reached over and picked the phone off the receiver. "Hello...?" he said questioningly. 

On the other side was a booming male voice that said, "Hello I'm with ATT and I was wondering if you would like to switch your phone service?" 

With a sigh, Duo shook his head. "No, I don't," he stated, hanging up the phone, "damn telemarketers."

Heero grunted softly, "They've done nothing but call us all day," he commented.

Seconds after Heero finished his sentence, the phone rang again. With an annoyed sigh, Wu Fei turned to Duo. "Answer the phone," he ordered.

"It's going to be another telemarketer," Duo countered. Eventually, the phone stopped ringing, and Duo said, "I swear, next time they call I'm going to do something about it."

Minutes later, much to Duo's liking, the phone rang, and he picked up. "Hello," he said in a female voice and Spanish accent.

"Hello!" the telemarketer on the other side cheerfully.

"I cleaning lady, I clean house for you," Duo said before the telemarketer could say anything else.

"...I don't need my house cleaned," the telemarketer stated.

"Then why you call?" Duo asked.

"To see if you would like to switch your phone service," the telemarketer countered.   
"I don't have phone," Duo stated.

By now, Duo could tell the person on the other side was getting annoyed. "Then whose phone are you using?" they asked. 

"Employer phone," Duo stated and they hung up. Putting down the phone, Duo turned   
to everyone, before they all broke out in laughter.

Quatre was the first to recover, and said, "Duo, that was great."

Trowa nodded, holding his side. "That was funny, Duo."

Wu Fei nodded, wiping away a tear. "Yes, Maxwell, very funny."

Heero finally sat up straight again. "You should do that to every telemarketer."

"Why should I have all the fun?" Duo asked as the phone rang again.

Quatre was the lucky pilot that picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, I work for ATT—" The telemarketer started.

"—Really!? I work for Sprint!" Quatre cut off the telemarketer, who in turn, hung up. The blonde smiled as he put down the receiver. "He hung up." Once again, they all started laughing, and once again, the phone rang.

Trowa was the first to grab the phone. "Hello, City Morgue. ...OH MY GOD!! IT'S MOVING! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IT!" The poor telemarketer quickly hung up. They were laughing again, but it slowly died down. They sat there for ten minutes of peaceful silence until someone knocked at the door.

"Whose there?" Heero called.

"Police," came the reply.

"Coming!" Wu Fei was out of his chair and at the door in no time. "Can we help you?"

"We got a call for a telemarketer saying that this was a morgue and you were killing people," the cop stated.

Duo shook his head. "This isn't a morgue. We were just saying that because telemarketers have been calling us all day and we got tired of it so we did something about it."

The cop nodded. "Oh...well just don't use the morgue one anymore, am I understood?"

The pilots nodded. "Yes sir!" With that, the cop left.

No sooner was he gone, the phone rang. Before picking it up, Wu Fei whispered something in Duo's ear. The braided boy nodded with a grin, and ran from the room. He was back in record time, holding a whip, then Wu Fei picked it up. "Hello, D.D.D. Dominatrix how can we dominate you?" At that, Duo cracked the whip in the background.

"I was calling to see if I could help you," the telemarketer said, and Wu Fei could tell he was frightened.

"I don't need to be dominated, but I think you do." Wu Fei stated. The telemarketer slammed down his phone. Duo was the first to start laughing, followed by everyone else.

"Wu Fei, I didn't know you had it in you!" Duo commented.

"How rude, he needs to be thought the fury of justice," Wu Fei muttered, putting down the phone.

"Do that later," Trowa countered.

The next time the phone rang, Heero was ready for it. "Hello?"

"Hello—"

Heero cut off the telemarketer. "Ilikebikes.DoyoulikebikesIneverlikedbikesuntilmydadboughtmeabikeandthatswhe nistartedtalkingaboutbikes.Doyouhaveabike?Mybikeisred.Whatcolorisyourbike?Ihadtogetahelmettomatchmybikesoigotaredhelmet," he spoke quickly. Without a word, the telemarketer hung up. "He hung up," Heero stated, speaking at his normal pace. Everyone stared at him in awe. "What?"

"How can you talk that fast? I can't even talk that fast!" Duo grumbled. Heero shrugged, and everyone started laughing again.


	2. Attack of the TELEMARKETERS

**Disclaimer:** I didn't put this in the last chapter so here it is. Me no own GW.   
**Notes:** NO ACTUAL YAOI/SLASH OR SEX HAPPENING IN THE FIC...ITS ALL FAKE!

* * *

The pilots were sitting around the house, and once again, they were plagued by telemarketers. "Stupid telemarketers," Duo grumbled.

Quatre nodded. "When will they learn that calling here is dangerous?"

Heero sighed. "I guess we will have to do this all over again."

Trowa shook his head. "No...the old ones are...well....old."

Wu Fei nodded in agreement. "It's time for something new."

The next time the phone rang, Duo picked up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sir!"

"We don't want any." Duo stated and hung up.

"I have an idea," Quatre stated, telling them his plan. 

"Quatre, you dog," Duo joked. 

Heero shrugged, "I'm up to try anything if it means stopping those damn telemarketers." Next time the phone rang, Heero picked up. "Hello?" 

"Hello, Sir! Would you like to—" In the background, Duo moaned rather loudly. "What was that?" 

"It was nothing," Heero lied. Followed by Duo was Trowa, who moaned as well. "Damnit...they started without me!" the Japanese teen stated. The telemarketer hung up, and the boys cracked up laughing.

"Ahhh! The greatness!" Duo commented.

"He won't be calling here again," Heero stated.

"Unless he'd like to join," Trowa countered.

"Except for that fact that we weren't really doing that," Quatre stated.

"Do you really think they care about that?" Wu Fei countered.

"Probably not!" Duo declared. With that, the phone rang yet again, and Duo picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, I work for Show Time and was wondering..." he said. 

"Bop it!" Quatre shouted. 

"Twist it!" Heero called. 

"Pull it!" Trowa ordered. 

"Hey...it sounds liked you are playing Bop It," he stated. 

"Oh, we are, but it's not with the electronic game," Duo told him. 

"Then what are you playing with?" 

"I'll give you a guess," Duo said, and the telemarketer hung up. 

"I can't believe you said that," Heero commented. 

"Well sorry, but just saying it's my turn now wasn't enough to get the point across," Duo countered. 

"He's right you know," Wu Fei agreed.

Quatre was ready the next time the phone rang. "Hi!" he answered. 

"Hello, I was wondering..." The telemarketer trailed off. 

"Hi!" 

"Hello, now I calling to offer..." 

"Hi!" 

By now, the telemarketer was irritated. "Hello sir, now would you like to..." 

"Hi!" 

Now, he was down-right angry. "LISTEN YOU STUPID FUCK, SAY SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES HI!!!" he shouted. 

"Bye!" Quatre said and hung up.

"That was truly childish," Wu Fei stated.

"But funnier then hell!" Duo exclaimed and everyone laughed.

"Oh, that's rich," Trowa commented.

Wu Fei nodded. "And surprisingly, no cops have shown up yet," he commented and the phone rang.

Trowa picked up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Sir," the telemarketer began.

"Hello, speak up," Trowa ordered.

"Hello, Sir!"

"Hello!? Who is this!?" Trowa demanded. "If this is some kind of joke....!"

"No, Sir! This is no joke!"

"You crazy kids! Call here again and I'll come beat all your asses!" Trowa shouted then slammed down the phone. Once again, everyone stared in awe. "What?" he asked, voice back to its normal volume.

"Heero can talk faster then I can, and you can yell louder then I can! That's _so_ not fair!" Duo whined.

"Well, I think that's the last of them, at least for tonight," Wu Fei stated.

Quatre nodded. "Yup, see you all in the morning," he said, and they all went to their own rooms and went to bed.


	3. Duo Gets a New Friend

**Disclaimer:** I still don't own Gundam Wing.

With a sigh, Quatre plopped down on the couch in the living room where everyone else was. "Why do they constantly plague us?" he asked.

Duo shrugged. "Maybe they just want to be our friend," he suggested.

Heero gave Duo an odd look. "Fine, next time one calls, be this friend."

"Okay!" Duo said, grinning.

Wu Fei shook his head. "Why did you give him that idea?" Heero shrugged.

"This could go horribly wrong," Trowa said, "whose got the popcorn?"

Duo sat by the phone and waited for it to ring, which it eventually did. "Hello, Duo Maxwell speaking."

"Hello, Sir. I would like to interest you in a magazine subscription." The telemarketer said.

"Okay, but only if you'll be my friend," Duo told him.

"Um...okay!" the telemarketer agreed.

"Yay! I have no other friends, now you're my friend!" Duo cheered.

"You have no other friends? That's so sad!" the telemarketer stated.

"I know," Duo said, sniffing.

"Well, my name is Joe. I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Okay, Joe!" Duo said and hung up, smile on his face.

"You're not allowed to answer the phone anymore," Wu Fei stated.

"That is the saddest thing ever," Heero commented.

"We want to get them to stop calling, not have them calling everyday!" Trowa exclaimed.

"But he's so cool!" Duo countered.

Shaking his head, Quatre patted Duo's back. "We'll be your friends, Duo."

Duo sniffed again. "You will?"

"Of course," Quatre said.

"Yay!" Duo glomped Quatre in a super-friends hug.

Heero sweat dropped. "We're _already _are his friends!"

Trowa sighed. "He completely turned that idea against us."

"Sad, isn't is?" Wu Fei inquired,

"Very," Trowa answered.


End file.
